With a general state of resource and internal enthusiasm at a normal level as of late, I've been
in a not bad headspace with regard to most things. The romantic issue is a reminder that I'm
normal (regardless of the status, having a relationship qualifies you with the section of viable
humans in a large way), the political disagreements motivate me to document / advance my ideas,
the recent employment offer boosts confidence not into the egotistical spectrum as so many people
often end up but into a place of general self security from the prior state of doubt and fear, and
lastly the little discoveries here and there respecting music making and tech hobbyism keeps me
enthusiastic, at least internally. My external motivations with music have been admittedly pretty
low, to the point I'm filled with something close to dread with the obligations to attend From Flesh
Removed practice in Haltom and playing bass in Twisted Manifold. It comes down to self doubt on one
hand, laziness being one of its digits, and on the other the perhaps ego-near disinterest in
contributing or investing consequencively into endeavors that ultimately I'm sitting on next to zero
enthusiasm with. From Flesh Removed unmovingly conflicts with my work schedule which has progressed
from annoying to very annoying, not to mention the initial age gap between myself and the members
and most detrimental, the utter disgust I have toward one particular particle I'm exaspiratedly to
be bonded with, a figure by the name of Thomas, who I think to be insufferable. Twisted Manifold's
problem is with the obligation, or continuation of load that has previously seen me distance myself
from its leader. Of course, the name is a bit dry, not that my own monickers can claim otherwise,
but coupled with the seemingly stuck on puppy dog-pleaded contribution to this thing that I'm
embarrassed worked, and the unique position of now occupying a role I have had much desire to
fulfill but gravely discouraged by not some low self estimation, but instead a grand feeling of
futility, the investment of excitement or any expectation or infusion of any personal expression into
an avenue of sonics that is so gentrified in the genre of music we belong to, and which's arbiter
pretends to disavow but actually perpetuates harder than anyone. It very much does appear that the
solder trace bridging Trey and myself has totally lifted off the circuit board, meaning that the
relationship is damaged in a way that renders cooperation near impossible at a mutually satisfactory
level, something which has really never been. There has never been mutual satisfaction between us
and certifiably never will, no matter how much he claims to the contrary, that this time it'll be
different, that this time he'll allow me control of my avenue. It's bullshit that I've ever bore
conscious weight result of anything related to him. A true unagreeable bigoted voidhead at times.

**idea; use handset coupling as a gate for stopping/continuing instruction readouts**
**idea; convert the "power" "patchbays" etc. html pages into Visual Basic forms**
**reminder; try to remember the previous thing which sprung Visual Basic to mind**

The active conflict in the studio is trying to contain the urge to fully compartmentalize things
into segregated enclosures, democratically upholstered. The centralized and thus quite messily
and nonbinarily interlinked "supercomputer" getup, which occasionally serves as a positive
aesthetic, is losing favor with me, owing to the inequal division of device types. As
some types are neatly or logically consolidated into one or two cabinets, others are split
across 5 or 6 small-capacity enclosures - this is very disruptive of the functional unity the
patchbay orientation tries to remedy and can only succeed 50% at given this distracting physical
situation. On top of that, I'm in a season of craving intuitiveness, of brainless effective
operation - not Bobby Fischer-tier 3d chess dilemmas whenever I want to do a simple but
architecturally-deprioritized task. The speech instructions are a bandaid solution that will likely
have to do for some time, but the dream of an optimized station-based environment remains.
The progression I'm also experiencing beyond the physical partitioning itch is having a compartment
for in-the-box experimentation too; with the Atari setup proving continually disappointing,
its only real rescuer being the Alesis Datadisk (my unit being ironically not suitable for the
saving as I would need the EPROM upgrade to 'Datadisk SQ' in order to solve the experienced issue
of inability to save), I have rediscovered the practicality and aesthetic/functional unobjectionability
of deprecated Windows music workstations. Also, Windows XP is the target era/design ethos I aim
to emulate/infuse into my own code and, ambitiously, programs I wish to make, like a command line
DAW for starters, so it is in my own best interest to begin working under it more seriously at this
time.

The day that comes every year or so, the date that marks a transition between one state to another,
has come - 1/17/25, a day that could easily have been 1/17/24 had I done just a slight bit more
research upon initially receiving the Alesis Datadisk. The function or ability that I'm speaking so
prophetically about? Being able to save sequencing information onto a physical medium - and the
dopamine release must be delayed as this setup which I currently have the luxury of being able to
enjoy is more ideal than any other technique I've previously entertained or threw $1000 at
unfruitfully. A dumb 1U rack unit can read and write straight MIDI information, with no bullshit
interfacing or attention to configuration or posture or aesthetic consideration, nothing - just
time the recording correctly and make backups for additional security. I'm entertaining the idea
of buying up several of these for incorporation at every locale where MIDI composition or playback
would be at all desired; this could be what breaks open the kernel and sees stations come into
being. Continuing with the physical copy mania, this means I can now have packages, or combinations,
of properties of a body, say, an album. A 720k floppy disk containing the sequencing information
which could well be a script for the entire album's recording / encapsulation / preemptive editing
(brief explanation - devices like the Fostex D-108 have the ability to be controlled via MIDI,
and a fully-utilized symphony of combined MIDI data streams could communicate to devices beyond the
domain of subject sources like samplers and synthesizers, but hard disk recorders and even
CD mastering equipment - all this is to say that what already is a relatively hands-off affair
with this ability to store whole conventional sequences could well be made into an entirely hands-off
experience given due cleverness), along with a CD master of the consolidated production, a PCM
VHS cassette of the consolidated production, etc.. Things I'd be keen on adding to this manifest
of significant tangible articles would be artwork or a visual object (photograph, illustration,
etc. - bonus points if made into a traditional format, say, having every album cover be an
illustration done on a 7 inch by 7 inch piece of cardstock), a disk containing patching instructions
for a currently nonexisting smart patching system which would render patching hands-off as well,
and perhaps a bit too cryptically an executable file that automates the publishing of the solitary
digital representation of the labor to services like YouTube, SoundCloud and Bandcamp.